Last night I was lying in bed praying for myself. I've been doing that a lot lately. You see, I leave for Colorado on Wednesday morning, and I've been sick the past week. I really want to be well for this trip.
I'm going to Colorado for a Captivating retreat, led by Ransomed Heart Ministries, and I am serving as senior work crew for the event. This means I will be providing leadership to a team of 18 ladies who have also come to serve during the four-day retreat.
Right now I feel like my cord has been unplugged, like I'm running on one battery, like I'm a 25-watt bulb standing in for a 100-watt ... you get the picture. Naps have been part of my daily routine since last Wednesday. Stamina is something I just do not have.
I've been praying -- maybe begging is the more accurate word -- that God will restore me (before Wednesday). So, back to last night...
I was lying in bed praying, when God interrupted my plea. "God, I just can't do what's required of me if I feel this way," I pray (in a very whiny voice). He interrupted me with a memory.
In 2007, I attended Captivating and served on my first work crew only two weeks after suffering a miscarriage. I was completely drained -- physically & emotionally spent. I had no idea what I could contribute to the team, but I knew I was supposed to go. When I applied for the retreat six months prior, God knew full well what my situation would be when it arrived, and still He called me to go.
It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. He was my sustainer, my energizer, my provider, and also my healer. And I not only survived the weekend, I thrived. I focused on others, I poured myself out, and I felt fully alive. His grace was enough. He was sufficient for all of my needs.
Last night's interruption brought my present situation into sharp focus. It's a cold ... just a cold. I have medication, and I will get better. If not by Wednesday, soon thereafter. I can't do this, cold or no cold -- not in my own power -- but God in His Word reminds me, "I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you" Isaiah 46:4 (emphasis mine).
So, I stopped praying for myself, and I started praying for the more than 300 women who will also be making their way to Colorado later this week. I pray for their journey, for their protection, and for their hearts. I trust you to work in me and through me. I trust you to sustain me. Come, Lord Jesus. Come.