Saturday, March 10, 2012

Entering In

Five years ago we lost our third child 12 weeks into the pregnancy. I have to confess, I hadn't given any thought to the possibility of miscarriage. Though we struggled with fertility issues for a while, I was naive enough to believe that once I got pregnant I would stay pregnant. And I was blessed with healthy (although greatly nauseating) pregnancies with Seth and Reed.

They stayed put for their 40+ weeks and entered the world in a manner that suited their mom's personality: scheduled inductions and brief labor. In fact, both deliveries took almost the same amount of time: both induced at 6 a.m., one delivered at 1:50 p.m. and the other at 1:49 p.m. Pretty cool, huh?!

Our third child entered the world in a much different way. Instead of expectancy, there was fear. Instead of joy, there was grief. Instead of physical pain, there was the pain of heartbreak. Instead of labor, there was loss. However, as I remember the night of our miscarriage, I can recall the presence of God thick in the room, His Spirit moving through us, causing us to do what was humanly impossible.

In time I have learned to accept the seemingly incompatible emotions that fill my heart where this child's name is held in secret: grief and joy, mystery and knowing, absence and the promise of reunion. God's Word speaks assurance to me that my child is not unknown, is not lost, and is not forgotten.

So, as Spring arrives, I remember this life, this child, this hope. I enter into this season, mindful of what is not and what will be. And I offer thanks for new life that erupts from the earth so beautifully and so timely, reminding me of life, not death, of hope, not despair, of joy, not grief. Welcome, Spring. And thank you.

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